Feeling like crap

I know that the world doesn't revolve around me and the earth will continue to turn even if I am laid up in bed. But, this being laid up is really getting to me. On one hand I realize that things have to get done, the things I can't do have to be done by someone else. But on the other hand...I feel so alone and segregated just laying in my bedroom. I can't sit up for too long, and I can't walk too far...so here I lay in my bed. It sucks...I hate to sound like I am complaining and ungrateful because I am so grateful and so blessed for all the wonderful help I have received. I am just lonely. I feel like nobody wants to just hang out with me, there is always something else that has to be done. Even J.R. is so busy taking care of everything around the house every day that I barely see him. I follow him around like a lost puppy just hoping that for just a minute he would rub my ears. (not literally..LOL) I feel like I am just not fun to be around. I hurt and I can't even play on the computer or study cause I can't get comfortable. This totally sucks. I can't wait till I am better....God help me through this!!!

Saturday morning....

It's Saturday...the smell of coffee brewing is amazing~!! I got up earlier, around 7:30am. I was feeling kind of nauseas. Not really sure why, but I feel somewhat better now.
The kids are camping with their dad, Ryan called to say that they were about to have french toast and bacon for breakfast. That actually sounds pretty good right now. I had some granola with vanilla soy milk this morning....it doesn't compare to french toast and bacon.
Anywho...I have been just resting my back, and thinking what I could do today. I feel like I could just sleep the whole day away, but I know that is just my pain meds talking...LOL Maybe J.R. will hang the big Tv on the wall in or bedroom so it is easier to see when we lay in bed. I feel like a contortionist some days just trying to see the screen. It's so quiet here today. Like I mentioned the kids are camping with their dad, and Shelby just went out for a walk or something...who knows....teenagers, I just don't get em!! Wow I just sounded old didn't I? LOL Well my coffee just beeped, so it is done brewing...maybe after I drink some I will know better what I feel like doing. (although my choices are kind of limited with my surgery and all) :)

BIG NEWS

I got big news today....it's official. I am Divorced!! The judge signed the papers today~!!! It has been almost a year since I filed and finally this chapter is closing. We have a fair settlement in place and have set up visitation for the kids to see their dad. Now I can move forward into my life with J.R. The man who makes me so happy I could just burst!! I truly believe we are soul mates...I could list a million reasons why...but I won't....I know what they are and so does J.R. and for that we are truly blessed!!

The Question of the day...Friday edition....

Should you have to settle for a half-assed job done by your kids?

That is my question today....I don't understand how I am 'the wicked witch of the west" when I point out something that I asked my kids to do and they either don't complete the job or they do a crappy, quick job just to go do what they want to do. What are they thinking? Perhaps my question should be...Are they even thinking? So as you know I had surgery a mere 3 days ago on my back. I still cannot sit up in a chair for more than 10 minutes or so...and I can't stand in one spot for even less time. I thought I prepared the kids, and could count on them to all pull together and help mom out this week while I am healing. Well that my friends was a pipe dream on my part. They could barely get along with each other, how in the world could they cooperate. So basically every chore I asked any of the 3 kids to do, either got done half assed, or not at all for some lame reason or another. Not only was J.R. taking care of me...but he also went behind them and re-did everything they "claimed" they did by way of chores. Honestly I didn't think I was asking too much to have each of them pick up their OWN things, or to work together at clearing the kitchen table after a meal and putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Yes...we have a dishwasher....no need to even wash the dishes. Just load em up and turn it on. Guess it is too much for them.
Somedays I feel like pulling my hair out because they are just so selfish. I didn't think I was teaching them to be selfish people, where are they getting it???? Then they wonder why mom is dubbed "fun sucker". If I don't stay the course, and keep the discipline consistent then all Heck would break loose. Well enough of my rambling for today....I had better go lay back down for a bit, I can only sit up for a short time before I am in pain again.

Back surgery day and the day after

I didn't seem to find time to post about my impending back surgery. So here is the After Surgery blog post....
Yesterday August 31st, 2010 I arrived at Mercy hospital in Cedar Rapids at 12:00, to be whisked to a room where I undressed and put on one of those very flattering ventilated gowns they have there. I was asked a million questions, sometimes over and over again. My vitals were charted and an IV was started. (took two tries I might add). Then I was told to wait on this gurney until the doctor and anesthesia doc came in to talk to me. Shortly there after Dr. Abernathy arrived and spoke to us for a minute and marked my back on the side where I had the most pain and said, "see you after a while in the OR". Immediately after that came Dr. Franklin the anesthesia doc, he explained the risks, and what he would do step by step to help me be comfortable, I then signed the final release forms and it was time to wait some more. Everyone was very kind, and J.R. was with me the entire time. Mind you my scheduled surgery time was 5pm. When all the questions and prep work was done it was about 1:15pm. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since Midnight the night before and of course I was hungry and thirsty, not to mention uncomfortable laying upon a hard gurney with a 2 inch mattress on it. But I got lots of pillows and everyone did their best to help make me as comfy as I could be. Finally I decided to turn on the tv to kill some time and "For the Love of the Game" with Kevin Costner & Kelly Preston was playing. Not a bad movie, would love to see it from the beginning some day. J.R. poised in the hard chair by my bedside was comforting but I knew he hadn't eaten or had a drink since breakfast and he was due to take his mid day meds. He left me briefly around 2:45 pm to go out to the car to get his meds and a cup of coffee. Of course no sooner was he gone 5 minutes, a nurse arrived in my cubbyhole and stated, "they will be ready for you in 10-15 minutes so you have to get up and go to the bathroom one last time and drink this really sour lemon lime stuff before someone wheels you down to the OR. I frantically texted J.R. and as soon as I was getting out of the bathroom across the hall I heard his voice in the hallway and the nurse telling him that they were going to be taking me down in just a few minutes.
They got me back up on the gurney again, put a very handsome bonnet on my head, I handed J.R my glasses, kissed him and said I love you, and we were off. Wheeling down the hallway, chatting pleasantly with the OR tech was doing the driving. She was a CNA once before she decided to become a nurse, and we talked about kids and families etc. The OR was chilly, lots and lots of lights and machines, I asked if I would be on my stomach for the procedure and she said yes and showed me the contraption that they place people on. Face down onto a gel cushion with a hole for your face, and then you are arched upward with your knees down and legs bent upward behind you. I asked how I would get in that thing....to which she stated..."oh we do that once you are asleep". I was like OMG how are they going to get this big body of mine up there into that thing without enduring a back injury, but I didn't say anything, as just as I thought about it, Dr. Franklin arrived....putting some medicine into my IV and I felt warm all over, my ears were fuzzy feeling and I was getting a little dizzy. He told me I would feel this way and I did indeed. Last thing I remember was the oxygen mask being put on my face and being told to take some slow, deep breaths and to think of a happy place or dream. Then Dr. Franklin asked if I wanted to count backwards from 100 or he could do it for me...I opted to hear him count. LOL I don't remember anything after he said 100!!
I awoke in the recovery room, dizzy and not really aware of the surroundings. I was on my back and it burned and hurt on my lower back. A couple of times they asked me to rate my pain...it wasn't awful but it wasn't pleasant so I told them a 5-6 out of 10....who knew that their pain scale if you had a 5-6 it was really bad pain. They put a canula in my nose for some oxygen and told me to take some slow deep breaths through my nose. I did and that seemed to help wake me up more. My head was feeling less foggy and I still had no idea what time it was, how long I had been in surgery or in the recovery room.
Soon a lovely young nurse came and said that everyone was waiting outside the doors for me....My mind had to think back for a minute..."who was everyone" I asked...she stated that J.R. was out there and Pastor Julie and someone else. Well the someone else was Julie's son James. They were all a welcome sight for these eyes. Just seeing J.R. there waiting for me and the fact that Julie and James went out of their way to come and see me touched my heart deeply. James had his laptop and he turned it to show me that he was playing "farmville" on Facebook....that made me laugh.
We rode up in the elevator to the 8th floor, where all Dr. Abernathy's patients go. The room was nice, smelled real clean and everyone was so helpful getting me off the gurney and into the more comfortable bed. Pastor Julie prayed for us and held my hand, then her and James had to get going. J.R. still faithfully by my side. I got some pain medicine and rested some in the bed...not too long and I had to pee...(one of the criteria you have to be able to do before being released). They checked vitals, all still good. The shifts changed and I had a new nurse. She told me I would need to get up for a walk when we could get the pain managed. The Morphine they gave me didn't do anything that I could tell, so they gave me a pain pill. I got to talk to the kids on the phone and let them know I was ok. They made me a cake and sent me a picture message on my phone. So sweet!!
Before long I had some broth, sprite, ice chips and water...and I got up to walk the halls with my nurse and IV pole. I did a couple of laps around the unit...felt good to walk actually. We got back to the room and J.R. had gone to get something to eat, but came back with some nasty sandwich from a vending machine. They gave me a menu to peruse and I ordered enough food for both of us to eat pretty good. The food was amazing. Like no hospital food I had ever had before. 2 thumbs up there!! Then J.R. and I took a walk 1 more lap around the unit to help our meals digest. I kept the solids down (yet another criteria met)....and the nurse came in to remove my IV. I got some more medicine, and she asked if I was staying or if I wanted to go home. We opted for home. It wasn't too terribly late and we could be home by midnight the latest.
We got home about 11:20pm and not more than 15 minutes after we arrived a thunder storm started up and it was loud, with lots of rain. I got into bed and finally got comfortable. I had to get up every two hours or so to pee and walk around a bit. I think we figured out the pain management pretty good and so far I feel great. Achey and sore at the incision site but as good as I can expect to feel. I can't sit for too long, and I can't be up too long but every couple of hours I get up and walk around the house a bit. So far so good. I am so thankful for J.R. and all he has done for me...he is my Florence Nightengale and is taking such good care of me. I couldn't ask for better treatment. I love him so much!!
More later.....