For Shelby

I wrote this for my wonderfully spirited daughter Shelby.  As my closest friends know we have had some struggles with her the past couple of years, and last Fall she was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)  "Emotional Intensity" as it is also referred to as.  Many, many hours of counseling, both individual and family based have been put in.   Shelby will be 18 next month, and seeing her navigate her Senior year of HS and trying to figure out "who" she is and "what career path" she wants to explore has been difficult for her as well as J.R. and I as her parents.   I have had so many feelings locked inside, so many questions, doubts, fears and worries.   I tried to purge them yesterday and this is what came out......

How do I hang on, when I feel like I am being pushed over a cliff.   

Feelings of heartache, betrayal and disappointment abound.   

One minute to trust, the next to have it stolen away in the blink of an eye.  To see your heart and know it is kind, but to see the devastation you leave behind.   

Loving families do not treat one another this way.  

Why must I live with the fear of the day you branch out on your own?   

I want to feel confident that you are safe, that you haven’t let someone in who will ultimately ruin you or worse.   

Parents worry for their children every minute, every day.   

I want so much to be able to trust, to let go just a little bit, to know.   

That you will be alright no matter how dark the night.  

I can’t be there to fix it, you have to work that out on your own.   

Be strong my child and know you are worth more than you think.  

Don’t beg, borrow or steal.  

Make your own way…be strong willed, non-judgmental, loving and a good friend.  

Do good things without hesitation, without compensation, with no expectations.   

Do not fret when things seem lost.  

Have Faith, breathe and just keep reaching.   

Reaching for answers, for tools to cope and adjust.  

Keep yourself safe my child, We all love you so much!!!  

\Making yourself happy day after day, can be a hard task.  

Keep yourself safe my child is what I ask.  

Safe from bandits, robbers, and thieves.  

Safe from lies you might tell to get what you please.  

Be honest…be Truthful…be loving….be confident.   

Loving another is what each of us craves, but at the end of the day we must love ourselves first.  

If we have no love for ourselves, then what is loving another worth?   

Saying the words doesn’t mean that you love, actions…honest and true are how that is done.  

It’s a struggle every day, but when both are healthy in mind, body , spirit.  

It can be done.  

Keep yourself safe my child, I love  you.  
Your journey begins.       

Shelby Jayne ~ Senior Year 2012 

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7