Praying for Grace

I have many wishes, wants, desires.   My biggest wish lately is for my kids to figure out how to deal with the anger they hold inside and to help them to deal with it in a constructive and loving way.   I pray a lot on this subject, and quite frankly I don't know if I am asking for the right things.   For instance if you pray for patience, your patience will be tested at every turn, but if you pray for grace you will receive the tools to cope and deal with situations that are challenging.   I wish I had the grace to help my two youngest kids to help them to cope with the emotions and conflicts they are dealing with.  

I know most of it comes from their dad and I divorcing this past year.   They have shared with me that they are angry that their dad doesn't call them, or see them.   They slowly inform me of things that went on during visits with their dad.   It makes me so sad to hear these things.   I want nothing more than to protect them, and I feel helpless when they tell me these things.

I believe that honesty with them about the state of the relationship between their father and I is a positive thing.  I never talk badly about him, but instead I tell them that their dad really does love them, but has made some choices that weren't very positive.    As of this day, my ex is not only unemployed, but he is also homeless and living in his car.   I was so sad when my youngest Elizabeth age 7 informed me that, her dad lives in his car.   Why should this ever be in their vocabulary?   They feel anger, they feel sadness, they feel betrayed by him.   My son told me after he calmed down from an outburst this weekend, that he is struggling.   My son struggles with being loyal to his dad and the desire to look up to him, and knowing that J.R. is a wonderful man and wanting to model his life and choices after J.R. and not his own father.    How difficult this must be for a boy of 10.   I can only imagine the pain this causes in his little heart.   He told us that he is choosing to look up to J.R. and model his life after him.   He respects him, he loves him , and he knows in his heart that J.R. love him and respects him as if he were his own flesh and blood.    Knowing this helps my heart to feel better, but still my kids struggle.  
So tonight when I pray, I will pray again for Grace to help my children let go of the anger, love their father as Jesus does, and forgive him as I have, and move forward with their lives.  Pursuing dreams and wishing on rainbows like children should.  

"God always gives you all the grace you need.   So you will only have to suffer for a little while. Then God himself will build you up again. He will make you strong and steady. And he has chosen you to share in his eternal glory because you belong to Christ"
1 Peter 5:10 (NIRV)

God is in this house!!!

I truly believe that GOD is intervening all over our lives in the most blatant ways this week.   I am seeing it everywhere I turn.   Not only with the nudge to create this group for moms and daughters that I mentioned earlier.  But, with out health and our eating habits.   Now, it has been a long time since Shelby has had anyone stay the night, let alone the weekend.   Of all her friends the one she picks is a Vegetarian.   Now really...I see that as a GOD sighting because it is making us aware of what I have been feeding us lately.   I love food, there is no doubt about it.   But my desire to lose weight also is a priority that fights with food for top spot on a daily, no hourly basis.    Eating healthier is on our minds more, and that is a great thing.  I love that GOD is here with us, and he is guiding our steps so vividly.   Praise the Lord!!


"With all my heart, I will praise the LORD.
Let all who are helpless, listen and be glad."
Psalm 34:2 (CEV)

Friday nights at home

Tonight is no ordinary Friday night at home, so far it's been a Quiet Friday night.  With Ryan sleeping over his friends house across the street, Shelby has a girlfriend sleeping over for the weekend and Elizabeth tagging along with the two teen girls.  J.R. and I find ourselves enjoying the quiet as we sit at the kitchen table, each of us on our laptops, enjoying a Bud Light Lime in a frosted mug, and eating some salad I prepared earlier in the day.   Ahhhh...these are the moments I look forward to.  Just time to take a breath after a busy day.  

Today I did quite a bit when I went out, it was so cold outside and windy.  I had some flat slip on shoes on with my Jeggings....(Jean leggings...LOL).   When I went to Walmart I bought myself some socks and a pair of those "fake Ugg boots" they sell for under 20 bucks.   My feet have been toasty warm all day since then and I was loving it!!   Loved them so much I went back later after the kids got out of school and got the girls each a pair, and bought Ryan a pair of real nice all weather hiking boots for only 20 dollars on clearance.  I love it when I find bargains!!!  

So Shelby's friend that is spending the weekend, is vegetarian.   I didn't know what the difference was really between that and Vegan.   So....I bought lots of salad stuff, and some apples, and boca burgers LOL    Could I be any more lame?   LOL    We are going to try to eat mostly Vegetarian all weekend.

Good evening....I keep losing track of the days and not getting in here to update and post things.  
Lately things have really gotten busier in my life.  I am looking forward to being even busier, and anxious honestly to get started on things.  
Let me back up a bit, yesterday my Pastor came over for coffee and some conversation.  With all that we have been dealing with here at home, she has been praying for me and encouraging me to hang on till it passes, she mentioned that she just hasn't had time to even touch base to see how "WE" are holding up.  Not just Shelby.   So it was a welcome visit since we really haven't had much time to sit and just relax with another adult since the chaos that went down a few short weeks ago.  

So during our coffee talk, I mention to her and J.R., that I had a dream about a week or so ago and it keeps coming to the front of my mind, no matter how often or how strongly I resist it.   I had a dream that I started a group based on the mom's group I had belonged to several years ago called MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers).  Since I no longer have preschoolers in my house, I can no longer attend the meetings.   It always made me sad that it had to end just because your kids grew up and went to school.   But, I digress.  

So when I presented the idea to her, she thought it was a great idea and I told her I could come up with some information for her to look at, and do some research to see if there was in fact an organization such as MOPS geared more towards mothers with teens, particularly daughters as I don't see teen boys being interested in attending a meeting with their mom and doing a craft.  But hey who knows right?  
I have gotten so pumped about all this.  I can't wait to unleash it on our community.  I pray and pray that there is a hunger for something like this around this area.  
I came up with it, when I attended a "Girlfriends group" at our church and thought that it might be a good way for Shelby and I to open up some doors of communication in a fun way, and spend some "just us" time away from home.   Although it was fun to get out just her and I, the group just wasn't what I was looking for.   I think that experience sparked the dream to be honest.

So two days into it and Her and I are creating our own group!!   Is that exciting or what?    I have so many ideas, and so many things I want to do and envision, I hope I don't overwhelm myself in the process.   My pastor said that the reason why it kept coming back to the front of my mind, is because GOD wants it there.  He is tapping me on the shoulder, and wanting me to listen.  So, here I am listening as hard as I can, and all I hear is GO FOR IT!!    I may even have to make a separate blog just for the group.   That would be so fun too.   My life couldn't be better actually...I am so very blessed!!!   I have healthy kids, a man who I adore and who adores me right back, a church family who is the Best ever!!   Now I have this opportunity to make a difference, to start something new, to embark on a special journey that will allow me to grow in my walk with Christ, and bring him to other lives as well.    Who would have thought that I would be here in my lifetime.  I sure didn't but I am glad I am right where I am.  
Well the letters on this screen are getting blurry, better get the contacts out and get some sleep.   I am not even sure if I can sleep because I have so many things running around in my brain right now.  
Good night, God Bless and Thanks for listening to me ramble.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-6