I like ME, I like who I am....I like that you took time to read this!! Thanks and God bless you!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Things I like
I like my eyes, I like my feet and toes....I think they are cute. I like that I am a good friend and I am trustworthy and generally kind to everyone. (unless you are being stupid and disrespectful to others...that bothers me) I like that I am witty and funny, and that I like to talk about anything and everything under the sun. I like what I stand for....what I believe in and how I raise my kids. I like that I am honest and kind of shy sometimes. I like that I am not perfect, that I make mistakes. I like that I learn from my mistakes (most of the time). I like that others think I am special and call me friend. I like hearing someone say I love you. I like the sound of my kids laughing. I like to hug...I like to have quiet time with the man I love!! I like cooking for people and watching them enjoy what I created. I like that I believe in GOD and that I go to church. I like that I am proud sometimes but I also like that I can sometimes forgo my pride and ask for help.
I like ME, I like who I am....I like that you took time to read this!! Thanks and God bless you!
I like ME, I like who I am....I like that you took time to read this!! Thanks and God bless you!
Random Musings
Things that have been on my mind lately...
My faith in God....nothing real specific but just thinking about it, and how I know I believe in God and I accept Jesus Christ as my savior. He is very powerful and I am seeing him at work everyday in my children, in my relationships with others and just in my heart. I really believe that all things happen for a reason, even on my worst days when I am feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to have my back be pain free, I know deep down there is a reason. I haven't opened my eyes wide enough to see it yet, but in due time it will be revealed to me.
I keep hearing sayings like, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle", and "There is a plan and only God knows what it is", keep reeling through my mind on both good days and bad days. I am just an infant when it comes to being in touch with my faith and my spirituality. There is so much to learn, so much to experience. I sometimes don't know where to start and feel overwhelmed. I just have to keep telling myself..."it will all be revealed when it is supposed to be revealed". I have no control over that, and for a control freak such as I am....it is not an easy task sometimes. I am just hopeful that all will be well when it is supposed to be.
Another thing I have had on my heart and mind lately is the fact that there are people out there, whom we think care about us, and in fact they treat us "differently" after we make a decision that we know is right and before acting on it, they thought it was right as well. It has become clear to me that a person who I thought really cared and understood the situation I was dealing with in my marriage, has chosen "the other side" so to speak. (Not that I wanted a side chosen or there to even be sides). But, truly I felt very close to this person. For me I thought that if anyone would understand it would be this person, as this person had been through a marriage that didn't work, and ultimately ended in divorce. So why am I being judged so harshly? Why would communication be broken down so much by me "saving myself and my children" from a life of misery. I know that I wouldn't have been happy, there were chances given to seek help to save US. Those chances were thrown away like a broken mirror. All the visions of happiness along with it. If I have learned nothing else from this experience, I have learned that we must listen, we must try to adapt ourselves to save the ones we love, we have to be sensitive to how our words, actions and non-actions affect those we hold so dear. I want to be the best mom, friend, lover, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, and someday hopefully a wife. I know I am not perfect, nobody is. In fact, I am far from it. I do strive to be the best ME I can be. Everyone is an individual and what works for one will not work for all. So maybe being the best I can be isn't the best someone else on the outside deems perfect, but I am the best ME I can be. For that I will never apologize or feel regret. I will only feel PEACE as I know in my heart I did what I was capable of.
Sorry for the rambling and hope it wasn't too "out there", Just something I had to get out of my head and onto the page just to help me to understand, or at least accept the situation.
My faith in God....nothing real specific but just thinking about it, and how I know I believe in God and I accept Jesus Christ as my savior. He is very powerful and I am seeing him at work everyday in my children, in my relationships with others and just in my heart. I really believe that all things happen for a reason, even on my worst days when I am feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to have my back be pain free, I know deep down there is a reason. I haven't opened my eyes wide enough to see it yet, but in due time it will be revealed to me.
I keep hearing sayings like, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle", and "There is a plan and only God knows what it is", keep reeling through my mind on both good days and bad days. I am just an infant when it comes to being in touch with my faith and my spirituality. There is so much to learn, so much to experience. I sometimes don't know where to start and feel overwhelmed. I just have to keep telling myself..."it will all be revealed when it is supposed to be revealed". I have no control over that, and for a control freak such as I am....it is not an easy task sometimes. I am just hopeful that all will be well when it is supposed to be.
Another thing I have had on my heart and mind lately is the fact that there are people out there, whom we think care about us, and in fact they treat us "differently" after we make a decision that we know is right and before acting on it, they thought it was right as well. It has become clear to me that a person who I thought really cared and understood the situation I was dealing with in my marriage, has chosen "the other side" so to speak. (Not that I wanted a side chosen or there to even be sides). But, truly I felt very close to this person. For me I thought that if anyone would understand it would be this person, as this person had been through a marriage that didn't work, and ultimately ended in divorce. So why am I being judged so harshly? Why would communication be broken down so much by me "saving myself and my children" from a life of misery. I know that I wouldn't have been happy, there were chances given to seek help to save US. Those chances were thrown away like a broken mirror. All the visions of happiness along with it. If I have learned nothing else from this experience, I have learned that we must listen, we must try to adapt ourselves to save the ones we love, we have to be sensitive to how our words, actions and non-actions affect those we hold so dear. I want to be the best mom, friend, lover, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, and someday hopefully a wife. I know I am not perfect, nobody is. In fact, I am far from it. I do strive to be the best ME I can be. Everyone is an individual and what works for one will not work for all. So maybe being the best I can be isn't the best someone else on the outside deems perfect, but I am the best ME I can be. For that I will never apologize or feel regret. I will only feel PEACE as I know in my heart I did what I was capable of.
Sorry for the rambling and hope it wasn't too "out there", Just something I had to get out of my head and onto the page just to help me to understand, or at least accept the situation.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Blessings....
Blessings....what do you consider a blessing? I have so many blessings that I count each and every day. My kids and JR are my number one blessings. My life isn't complete without them in it. Even on days when the kids are just testing me at every turn...still they are a blessing. Without these tests how do we/they learn? J.R. is such a blessing to me, he is sensitive, kind, respectful and loves me for who I am, not who he thinks I should be. I too love him for who he is, and what he stands for in this crazy world. He has truly done what the title of my blog implies...he has "breathed life into a once empty shell" that was my life. I am more confidant than ever in my abilities. I want to be a better person. Love does make the world go around. :)
Pain management
The day after a day that was so full of pain I actually cried. I consider myself someone who has a pretty good tolerance for pain. (I did give birth to 3 kids with no epidural or pain meds) I have never been more anxious to go see a doctor, than I am now to go and see the neurosurgeon about my herniated disc. If surgery is going to be what allows me to exercise, get stronger and be able to participate in the kids lives more fully then I guess it is what I am going to have to do. I have thought of the other options as well, physical therapy, or epidural these will probably take longer but if I am not a candidate then I have to live with that. I just would like to be able to stop taking all this medication.
Okay enough blather about my back pain.
Our family has been invited to a baptism for our friend's little boy. Kids will have fun since it is a FIESTA!! There will be pinatas and all kinds of fun stuff. My pain pills are starting to work so who knows what I could type on here...LOL Good bye for now...have a blessed day!!!
Okay enough blather about my back pain.
Our family has been invited to a baptism for our friend's little boy. Kids will have fun since it is a FIESTA!! There will be pinatas and all kinds of fun stuff. My pain pills are starting to work so who knows what I could type on here...LOL Good bye for now...have a blessed day!!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
It's New & (hopefully) Improved!!
So here goes.....I've re-worked the old "life in the silly lane" blog I once started and have changed a few things here and there, added some things and basically have tried to make it more appealing. A word of warning though, I do sometimes whine and complain.....but for the most part I think I am a pretty upbeat and positive person, who tries to find the good in every situation. At least that is what I strive to do. :)
So fasten your seat belts.....it could be a bumpy ride. But what journey doesn't have it's bumps in the road right? RIGHT!! :)
So fasten your seat belts.....it could be a bumpy ride. But what journey doesn't have it's bumps in the road right? RIGHT!! :)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Updates....(wish I had a better title LOL )
Sooo...how long has it been? Quite awhile. Last time I was here was in March. My life with J.R. couldn't be better. I never knew love could grow so deeply and tenderly. But in fact it does, more and more with every passing day. I have never known someone who I could completely and totally be myself with and be loved so deeply. The kids are all doing well. Shelby is a Junior in high school, Ryan is entering 5th grade and Elizabeth is going into 2nd. I can't believe how fast they are growing up. Becoming individuals more and more each day. As for the divorce situation, neither J.R. or I have completely gotten through the process just yet. I am hoping with a settlement conference scheduled this week coming, that we can get all this ironed out once and for all and get it all finalized. It shouldn't have lingered on this long in the first place, but I am guessing Scott wanted to make a point (a very expensive one at that).
On June 26th of this year I mowed the grass and pulled my back out. I had done this before, and frankly a couple of days rest and some muscle relaxers usually do the trick. Not this time!! After a week and I was getting only worse I went to the doctor for a second time and got it xrayed...found out that the space between my L5 and S1 discs was extremely narrowed. So off to Physical therapy I went, more pain meds, anti inflammatory drugs and muscle relaxers, a TENS unit, Ice therapy and a back brace and still no relief after 3 more weeks. I asked for an MRI which showed a Herniated disc in my back. Great!! After finding this out I had to be scheduled for an epidural, where they inject cortisone directly into the actual disc. This was more than 2 weeks ago. Now I am being referred to a back surgeon and we shall see what happens next. So here I sit, unable to work....unable to do housework....my only solace is that J.R. and I have a great relationship and when he isn't here I can hang with the kids (when they aren't out doing their own things) and I play on Facebook alot. So that is my life in a nutshell basically. Hopefully someday real soon I can report that the divorces are final and that J.R and I plan to be married. :)
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