Holiday time

The holidays are always a busy time in every family.  Ours is no exception.  With the purchasing of gifts.  Wrapping them and all the social invitations we accept or plan to have it's no wonder that by the time Jan 1 rolls around everyone is just tired, stuffed full of all the foods we shouldn't really eat and our bank accounts are barren once again.   But, we do it over and over again.  Year after countless year.  Now I am not saying I don't love giving and receiving gifts.  I love to give gifts to people, almost as much as I love to cook for people!    


This year was our first Christmas as husband and wife.  It holds a special place in my heart also because it was the first time my mother came to Iowa to visit us, along with her first time meeting J.R.    It wasn't as stressful as I had thought it would be.   I find as I grow and mature I don't put as much value on "impressing" people anymore.   Now I know what you are thinking..."Why would you have to impress your own mother?"   Well I have always felt that somehow I was just not good enough in her eyes.   I knew she loved me and that she thought I was good.....just always had that inkling in the back of my brain that she thought I just wasn't good enough.   Crazy right??    LOL


Well this year I didn't go out of my way to try to impress her.  I did what I do every day.  J.R. is the same way and it is just one of the countless things I love about him.   He is who he is, he is comfortable with who he is, he loves me and the kids and isn't afraid to show it or tell anyone about it.   He sure is a special kind of guy!!


So, the visit was good.  We were all pretty worn out by the time the week was over.  But I feel blessed that we all had a good time.  


Now that New Years Eve is upon us.  I am pulled into the thoughts of what will the New Year bring for all of us?  

Now that Shelby is 18 years old and is pondering college vs. working and eventually moving out on her own.   I am happy and sad all at the same time.  The mix of emotions is just overwhelming at times.  But I know I will just deal with them as they come up. 


The kids are really working hard to become better people, to mature in a way that I pray will bring them through rough patches in their lives as they grow older. 


I am hoping that J.R's job gets less stressful and that we can all live harmoniously and well balanced lives.  


I want to lose weight and get healthier this year. We hope to be able to take a trip to Massachusetts at some point.  Not sure if that will happen this year or not, but we definitely have it on our list of things we want to do.  


My goal for our family is less "wanting" and more "giving to others".   We have so much and so many have so little.   We are blessed beyond measure. I want my kids to know how fulfilling it is to give back. 


HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who read my silly little blog.   I do tend to ramble on and on.   May 2012 bring peace, love & prosperity to all of my friends and family  far and near!!




4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

A rant for customers of pharmacies everywhere!!!

I have something to get off my chest...I am guilty of this as well but after so many nights of seeing my husband return home from a job he truly loves, helping people who most appreciate him, and others just are demanding and ostentatious.  He is stressed to the max and I just have to at least vent even if nobody reads it.


Being a "former" health care worker *CNA in a nursing home*, and now being the wife of a health care worker, for those that do not know, my wonderful husband J.R. is a Registered Pharmacist.  I worry so much about the pressure that is put on him and all the pharmacists and techs where he works and I am sure this happens in ALL pharmacies these days.   Short staffed, closed quarters work spaces etc.   But my issue is with the fact that so many people that go into a pharmacy or any store these days.  They want everything right this second.  Without a thought to what it takes to do your task.   I am speaking strictly from my own perspective as a CNA and what I see happening with J.R. and his co-workers.   I am not unsympathetic that when someone is sick they just want to feel better.   I get that....What I think the public needs to get is that if your doctor felt you needed a medication within the time it takes you to get to the pharmacy and walk in the door....then he would have hospitalized you.   Just sayin!!    


This week the pharmacy implemented a brand new computer system, to which all of the pharmacists had 1 day of training a couple of weeks ago.  From what I have seen and heard, the system is, let's say not as efficient as was thought it would be.   That is neither here nor there.   There have been signs hanging up all over the pharmacy that they were implementing this and that there could be significant wait times due to the newness, etc.....Can anybody read anymore???     


My worry is for the safety and health of my husband first and foremost along with his co-workers.  Secondly that safety and health of the patients who are in such a rush to get their medications, that it puts unneeded stress on those behind the scenes.  They are not only trying to please customers who want everything 10 minutes ago.  But the slow and unfamiliar system which they are trying to navigate.   For this they forgo bathroom breaks, they don't get a lunch break or a smoke break or even a break to get a drink of water.   J.R has come home dehydrated and stressed and hungry so many nights I worry for the health of his vital organs.   He isn't a Spring Chicken but I love him and so do our kids.  
   I realize that many people respect his knowledge and his customer service skills are off the charts awesome!!   But people.... can the man pee or get a drink of water for goodness sakes???    He is making sure you have what you need, and making every effort to get it to you as fast as he can and most of all ACCURATE!!   Because, if you got the wrong drug you would be there in a heart beat wanting to know how and why this happened, who was going to fix it, and heaven forbid if you got real sick from it you would want legal action or some compensation for your pain and suffering.  I know I would if that happened to me or my loved ones.  My prayer for today is that not just today, tomorrow or next week....but everyday whenever we need something from a pharmacy, doctor, nurse, CNA, or whatever service person.  Know that they are doing what needs to be done to get that done for you, cut them some slack, let them do their job in a safe manner that isn't risking their lives as well.  They have families that love them too!!  
  
Like I said in the start of this post, I too have been guilty of this, when my kids are sick I want them better 10 minutes ago.  But being in the health care scene, I understand that we must let them do the job that they have been trained to do!! 


Please be kind....be patient....Love your pharmacist!!!  I certainly love mine because he is not just my pharmacist, but he is also my husband and I would like to have him on this Earth many years beside me.   


Selfish??  Yes I am...and you would be too if it were your loved one!!  He dedicates his life to helping you on a daily basis...take a second and help him back.  :)  


Enough ranting....just had to get it off my brain!!!  






4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

December is here!!

Whether we like it or not, it's that time of year again.  Shoppers everywhere, vying for the best price, the latest gadget or the perfect gift for a loved one.  Travel plans are made, children begin to get over excited.  Parents pull out the, "Don't make me call Santa and tell him you are not behaving" card.   The mall parking lots are overflowing, traffic can be a nightmare for those who have to travel a ways to get to a mall or shopping center.  


But, we endure it, some even dare I say it...enjoy it!!  (I am not one of those kinds of shoppers) lol


As for me, this year I am in a new era in my life.   Not only with my recent marriage, but a new time in the lives of our kids.  Shelby turning 18 (4 short days after Christmas), Ryan in that "Tween" stage where he isn't really sure what he is wanting to believe.  Despite the stories to the contrary from his friends that, "there is no Santa Claus".   To our little Elizabeth, 8 yrs old and not really vocalizing much about Santa this year.  I am not sure how to take this revelation.  Do I ask her??  Do I just assume she does ??  *we all know what happens when we do that though right? LOL *   Either way, Christmas "Feels" different this year.  As if the winds of change and growing up has just blown in like a hurricane onto the mainland.  My babies are growing up.   I am indeed curious how Christmas will evolve and change as they become older and more "mature". 


Now, I know some of you reading this might say...."Melissa, Jesus is the reason for this season, so why are you blogging about Santa Claus?"   Well I think that is where the change comes in. 
Being a child we are taught about the birth of Christ, and how it affects life as we know it.  But we are also taught about a wonderful mythical character who brings good boys and girls gifts while they sleep.  The story is magical and being a parent, to see that kind of awe in my children's eyes as they awaken to find that indeed Santa did bring them something that they had longed for is just heart warming and fun.  
 I am a Christian, and I stress the importance at home all year long of Goodwill toward men, Peace on Earth and the fact that the tiny baby brought into this world by a Virgin mother in a manger so far away, is My Savior.   Sure, I agree there isn't much attention paid to the birth of Jesus Christ in the media etc.  But, we also must remember that each person has their own beliefs.   We don't want to have their Gods, Idols, customs and traditions waved in our faces and forced down our throats either.   


So now that I have rambled on and on......what exactly is my point??   


BALANCE.... I believe there is room for spiritual celebration and non-spiritual celebration in our lives.   Let us rejoice in the birth of Jesus Christ!!   Also, let us look at Christmas through the eyes of a child, who places his/her head on their pillow on December 24th, hoping and praying that a jolly old elf named "Santa Claus" will come and visit and leave them something special that they have longed for.   


Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and most of all remember that life is too short, and we must make memories and live life to the fullest each and every day of the year.   Forgive, remember, enjoy and most of all LOVE one another. 

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

The Holiday season is upon us!!

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, I have been reflecting on all the things that have happened so far this year.   So many things to be thankful for indeed.   Now that our life is finally getting to be OURS again, it is indeed something to celebrate.
The kids are growing and maturing.   In just one short month Shelby will be 18!!   I can't believe it.   I know I haven't been a perfect parent, but I hope that I have helped give her some tools that she can use and take with her when she does "launch" into a life on her own.    If not I guess she will learn the hard way as so many others have before her.  (Me included in some areas).
I look forward to our annual holiday party, (it's become a "tradition" in our house).   Never thought people would actually inquire about if we would be having it again.   :)   So excited that several people can't wait and tell us they wouldn't miss it!!    We have such wonderful friends and family!!!   I am Thankful for all of them as well as for our kids, our house, each other, what we have and dont' have....I am Thankful for it all.   We are happy, safe, comfortable, and humbled by the outpouring of love we get from those who love us.  


4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

For the man I love!!

LOVE.....such a nice word isn't it?  


 We hear it from our kids, "I love you mom, dad" etc...  But what do we really know of love?   I know that I thought I knew what love was.  I guess from the time we are teens we  "think" we know what True Love is.  In fact we don't.  Although some find it early in their lives and get to have it for a lifetime.   Others, well, most of us only find it once.   Some never find it at all for various reasons.  To love someone and to open yourself up fully and to be completely vulnerable.   No walls, no boundaries, just raw and honest YOU!!    It is the most amazing thing I have discovered in my life thus far, besides the births of my 3 children!!


I have learned so much about myself in the past two years.   I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin.  I yearn for knowledge and information more than I ever did.   I now feel as if I can do anything I set my mind to and even if I fail or things don't turn out the way I thought when I began.  I succeeded in learning something!!    I am no longer put down for any flaw, failure, mistake or mishap.   Instead I am loved even more, encouraged to try again and move forward with no worry of repercussion or "not being loved anymore".    All of this love, compassion, respect, dignity, encouragement, comes from one person.   My husband J.R. Fikuart!!   He is my rock. My light in the darkest night.  My wishing star.  My lover and my best friend to whom I can tell anything.  He is not without his own flaws, as he would say, "We all have our little smells".  :)  But, he is selfless, understanding, caring, kind, forgiving, decent, upstanding, and pure joy shines from his smiling face.  

I truly believe I am the luckiest woman in the world to have such a special person in my life.  I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to my life as it is right now.  I am Thankful every second for this man coming into my life.     


Believe me, I could gush all day long and until everyone was screaming, "please stop" about my husband.  (yes I love saying the word "husband" ) lol 

I love you J.R. and I can't imagine life without you in it.  I truly believe I KNOW what true love is.  I live it everyday, every minute with you!!  
   



4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

For Shelby

I wrote this for my wonderfully spirited daughter Shelby.  As my closest friends know we have had some struggles with her the past couple of years, and last Fall she was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)  "Emotional Intensity" as it is also referred to as.  Many, many hours of counseling, both individual and family based have been put in.   Shelby will be 18 next month, and seeing her navigate her Senior year of HS and trying to figure out "who" she is and "what career path" she wants to explore has been difficult for her as well as J.R. and I as her parents.   I have had so many feelings locked inside, so many questions, doubts, fears and worries.   I tried to purge them yesterday and this is what came out......

How do I hang on, when I feel like I am being pushed over a cliff.   

Feelings of heartache, betrayal and disappointment abound.   

One minute to trust, the next to have it stolen away in the blink of an eye.  To see your heart and know it is kind, but to see the devastation you leave behind.   

Loving families do not treat one another this way.  

Why must I live with the fear of the day you branch out on your own?   

I want to feel confident that you are safe, that you haven’t let someone in who will ultimately ruin you or worse.   

Parents worry for their children every minute, every day.   

I want so much to be able to trust, to let go just a little bit, to know.   

That you will be alright no matter how dark the night.  

I can’t be there to fix it, you have to work that out on your own.   

Be strong my child and know you are worth more than you think.  

Don’t beg, borrow or steal.  

Make your own way…be strong willed, non-judgmental, loving and a good friend.  

Do good things without hesitation, without compensation, with no expectations.   

Do not fret when things seem lost.  

Have Faith, breathe and just keep reaching.   

Reaching for answers, for tools to cope and adjust.  

Keep yourself safe my child, We all love you so much!!!  

\Making yourself happy day after day, can be a hard task.  

Keep yourself safe my child is what I ask.  

Safe from bandits, robbers, and thieves.  

Safe from lies you might tell to get what you please.  

Be honest…be Truthful…be loving….be confident.   

Loving another is what each of us craves, but at the end of the day we must love ourselves first.  

If we have no love for ourselves, then what is loving another worth?   

Saying the words doesn’t mean that you love, actions…honest and true are how that is done.  

It’s a struggle every day, but when both are healthy in mind, body , spirit.  

It can be done.  

Keep yourself safe my child, I love  you.  
Your journey begins.       

Shelby Jayne ~ Senior Year 2012 

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7

Crockpot pumpkin Oatmeal

Crockpot pumpkin oatmeal recipe 

I made a double batch and will keep it in the fridge to reheat for several days. The recipe below reflects the doubling. 

2 cup steel cut oats
6 cups water
1 15oz can real pumpkin puree
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup raw honey (optional) *I also use Agave nectar to sweeten*
Pumpkin pie spice (as much as you like) * I don't measure lol*
1 tbsp extra cinnamon

Mix everything together in the crockpot, cook on low for about 5-6 hours or overnight. (if you like your oatmeal more creamy, cook for 7-8 hours) 

*you can add any nuts/dried fruits your family likes, I have also made it with apples and walnuts w/ apple pie spice. *

We serve it up with a splash of unsweetened vanilla almond milk on top. YUMMY

Our wedding photo book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Photo Book Tip: Create an adventurous travel photo album at Shutterfly.com.

Just call me Mrs. Fikuart :)

It's official!!!   I married the man of my dreams!!   I can't hardly believe it.

The day was a whirlwind of activity, the whole weekend really.   The kids did a great job participating in the marriage, and  the creation of our wonderful family.    I can't wait to put pictures up on the blog.  I know not many follow it but it is still nice to have.  
Many of our close friend and family came to welcome us into our life together as man and wife.  I was nervous but calm all the same time.  Very weird feeling indeed.    Everything went off without a hitch, well....with the exception of Ryan dropping our rings on the floor...which was totally cute!!  Also, the pastor called J.R., R.J. several times but everyone laughed and it created a  lasting memory for all who were there.
The music was awesome!!  Shelby read I Corinthians 13:4-7   It was just a beautiful ceremony.  The photos we took I just know are going to turn out amazing.  We just had so much fun with our photographer and will recommend her to anyone who is seeking out pro photos at a reasonable price.   The reception was fun and carefree as I didn't have to do anything.   I loved that part!!   I just got to be there and not worry about who I saw or didn't see.   But I did get to spend time with some of our guests which was nice.   I loved that it was so laid back, but beautiful, classy and elegant all at the same time.   I felt beautiful in my dress.   J.R. handsome as always looked amazing in his suit, and the girls were gorgeous with their new coiffed hairdo's and dresses.  My son, oh..my son....he was so mature and gown up in his suit and tie that matched J.R.'s tie.  WOW...I am truly blessed beyond belief!!   I know our lives together will be sweet every day and I plan to relish every second I have with those that I love!!  :)



4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

19 days and counting down.......

I can't believe in just a few short weeks I get to marry the man of my dreams!!!  :)   Not everyone finds the depth of love I have for and from J.R.    We have the kind of relationship that people dream of.  
Even though my family is not able to be there in person, I know they all wish us well and wish they could be here to share our special day.   With airfare as expensive as it is, and the fact that we decided just 6 short weeks ago to embark on a wedding this year instead of next all factor into why they can't come.   I understand, doesn't make it less sad that I don't get to show him off and strut like a peacock about how proud I am to be marrying him, or for how proud I am of my kids.  
I have been asked if I am nervous.   I am not nervous about spending my life loving this wonderful person, or raising my kids together with him.   I am nervous about all my plans going as I think they should.   I am trying to not have huge expectations and relying on the "pros", to help me with the things I know I won't be able to do.   I plan to be very laid back, relaxed and enjoy ever second of my first day as Mrs. Fikuart!!!



4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Planning

It's been awhile since I blogged.  
To catch anyone who reads this up, summer vacation is over.   Kids have been back to school for a week already.  J.R and I have set a wedding date and together we have it all planned and ready to go.   Our date is October 16th, 2011.   Yes, you read that correctly, in just 40 days we will become man and wife.   :)  I am so excited to be committing my life to such a wonderful person.   He makes me happy through and through!!
The kids are excited about the whole thing.  I think it really cements for them that we are a "family".  
I am blessed to have someone who not only "knows" me but who loves me for being me.   (if that makes any sense...LOL)
As for the anti anxiety meds I was taking to help me lose weight.....that didn't work.   I actually had gained like 5 more lbs!!!    I was freaking out more over that than anything.  So I went off them and I am trying something else...which is working quite nicely.  I am down 5-6 lbs and I am not even trying.   Gotta love that right?   :)     I can't lose too much more before the wedding because I would have to pay to have my dress altered at the last minute and right now it fits great.   We are trying to have the wedding we want to have on a budget.   So far I have planned everything and we have everything arranged and we have spent a little less than $2,500.   I think that is pretty darn good.   We will get married in our church, and then having a cocktail type reception after in a really awesome location just outside of town.   So it's close and we have only invited about 35 people so it will be intimate and romantic.    I only hope that some of my family can make it.   I know it is a lot to ask of them, but I would do it for them.   So....here's hoping it turns out as nice as I think it will.   The planning wasn't too hard either.  I had most of it done and set up within the first week.   Everyone keeps saying I should be a wedding planner...LOL   I even made the invitations and the programs for the church (with J.R's help of course.)    He has been so supportive and helpful with all the wedding stuff.   He picked out most of the music for the church part.   He knows his classical organ music!!  :)  
We just make a good team, our strengths enhance the others.   We compliment one another....we are like peanut butter and jelly, we just work!!!   :)
Okay enough for now....I could babble on all day about our upcoming special day.  


4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Old Habits

I have been on this new med "Wellbutrin" for a week and a half.   At first I really had no hunger but would eat because that is what I did.   Getting used to the feeling of not being hungry has been difficult for me.   But as I stepped on the scale today and being up 3 lbs....really was a wake up call.   YIKES!   Was all I could say, as I stood there on the scale first thing this morning with my mouth wide open!!!    I refuse to get one pound heavier. I vow from this day forward that I will be working as hard as I possibly can to get the weight off.  
I must listen to my body and only eat when I am hungry and not a second sooner.    I have asked J.R. to help me get a plan in place, and to stop me when I suggest ice cream or sweets in the evening.   I am not even hungry...here is where the title of this post comes into play.   Old habit of eating in the evening after supper, while watching TV!!     That habit is going to die a quick and painless death not a long drawn out one.  
Getting back in the habit of doing my PT exercises daily and even walking on the treadmill daily will be a hard habit to start, but I have to do it.   I must get into the habit of doing these things for ME!!    It will only be beneficial later in my life.  
As Garth Brooks sang,  "I'm much too young to feel this damn old"!!!

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

It's all good

The last time I posted I was waiting for test results.   Got those back and he said everything was great.  No Diabetes!! (I was jumping for joy when I heard this), and my Thyroid levels are "well maintained".  So all of this is great news.    My cholesterol however was elevated slightly....*hey why wouldn't it be with all the crap I have been eating lately*   LOL   But, my "good" cholesterol was excellent!!    So another big thumbs up there.   I decided to try one of the options he talked to me about at our visit.   I started taking Wellbutrin on Saturday morning, and I don't know if it is a psychological thing or what but I tell you I felt it working after 1 day.   I was totally and utterly amazed.   First day I was a bit tired which can happen till you get used to it, due to the anxiety reducing factors it has.    It was nice, I don't feel so anxious about anything anymore.  Guess this is what I was needing.   LOL      I don't think about food all day long like I used to,  I am not even hungry actually.   I can honestly say that I have eaten because I was feeding the kids and I figured I should eat something too.    Very strange feeling for me.    I feel better since I am not stuffing my face 24/7 and feeling sick to my stomach all the time because I was overeating and overfull.    I am going to shoot for Saturday to weigh myself again and see if I have lost anything.  
I am not obsessing over food, calories etc.....but I am consciously trying to make meals that are lower in calories/ carbs/ sugars/ and fat.    So that is my update.....hope to be back with some great weight loss news by the weekend.

On another note....Shelby went on the Mission Trip w/ church this week.   She left on Saturday morning at 7am, and won't be home till Saturday evening around 5pm this weekend.    I must admit I do miss her.   We don't have a nationwide phone plan so she can't just text us or email us or even call us from her cell phone.   It is really weird not hearing her come home from work at night.  I hope she is having a great time, meeting new friends, and learning to be grateful and gracious for what she has in her life, as there are always others who have less.    I know it will impact her in some way, so I can't wait to hear all about it.  :)

 I have this week off of work and usually when you take time off the days go by fast.  Well they are not so far.   I took the kids to Marr park for a bit on Saturday, we went in the morning when it wasn't so dreadfully hot out.   Sunday we went to church and to a movie in the afternoon.  ( J.R. was working all weekend )    :(     We didn't do much on Monday, went and had lunch with J.R. at work.   Yesterday we hung out at home all day and they played outside all day.  Not sure how they do it in this heat and humidity but they did.    Today is J.R.'s day off and we are not sure what we might do today, but I hope we can get out of the house for awhile today and maybe go for a walk or something.  
So like the title says...."It's all good"!!  


4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Waiting....

I went to the doctor today and had blood drawn after fasting all night.   He checked my urine, gave me a quick once over, feeling my abdomen etc....no sugar was found in my urine so that was good news.   Now to wait a couple of days till the bloodwork comes back.    He doesn't think I am pre-diabetic but not ruling it out completely.    This could all be Thyroid related.   Gaining weight could have thrown my levels off some, hence the other symptoms.   I also talked to him about my "all the time" hunger.   I just want to eat and I love to eat.   So once the blood work is in...we will discuss what direction I want to go from there to lose some weight.  There are a couple of options, 3 actually that he wrote down.   I say a couple because one of them I just know I can't do.   It is a drug called Alli...it used to be prescription Xenacal or something like that.    Well it takes the fat that you have eaten and gets rid of it.   (that is putting it nicely).    SO if you eat too much fat, you could spend quite a bit of time with the Tidy bowl man!!   *wink, wink*  if ya know what I mean?   LOL
That is just something I can't do.    But, for right now, I wait.   Could be the end of the week before I know anything.   So life moves forward.  


4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Could I be Pre-Diabetic??

Have been wondering why I have been feeling tired, blah and not being able to lose weight effectively.  Looked up the symptoms for Diabetes and I have a couple of the symptoms.   This scares me something awful.  My father died from Diabetic complications.  He lost his vision, and he had kidney transplants.    I didn’t know everything that was going on with him, but I do know that he often didn’t take care of himself and he died at a very early age.   Mid 40’s is way too early to die from a disease that if managed properly one can live for a very long time.   Now, I honestly don’t think I have Diabetes, but if I am going to see the doctor about this I want to go to his office armed with information.   J.R. was prediabetic and he has a meter that I can use to track my blood sugar results each day and I will document everything I eat and what time I eat it for at least a couple of weeks if not longer.   I am trying to modify my eating and mostly cutting back on breads, chips and sweets which seem to be my biggest downfall.  More veggies and leaner proteins.  All sweets will be sugar free/ fat free ones.   Also smaller portions and cutting back on alcohol consumption is going to help I am sure.   I have to lose weight.  I will not allow Diabetes to set in and take over my life.  I have seen too many diabetic family members not take care of themselves and having more and more health problems.   I don’t want those problems, I want to be around for the kids and J.R for a long time!!  

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Do dogs go to Heaven??

This is a question that has been in my head since we  put our wonderfully loving dog Sairy to sleep on Tuesday.

I know it is probably a weird question to some.   I guess it depends on what you believe right?   I honestly feel that we make connections with our pets.  There is some bond that happens, especially when they are in a stressed state and we try to help them to feel better.   Stroking them, playing with them, feeding them, etc....all the little things.  I really do believe that some dogs like humans are more intelligent than others.   I feel as if my dog was very intuitive.   She was so obedient, so loving, and just  a sweet animal.     I miss her a lot!!

Okay so why am I rambling on and on???   Well Tuesday evening I was having some pain in my back and I took a pain pill....(don't take these too much anymore but really needed to get some pain free sleep).   In the middle of the night I woke up to roll over and I swear I heard her bark just one time.   Just outside our bedroom window.   *she would bark just once when she was ready to come inside after going potty, or if she got caught on her lead outside*.   Then yesterday after work I came home to pick up the kids for our family counseling meeting.  They were all outside waiting on me.   I had to run in to pee so I was in the house alone, and I thought I heard her whine just once.   *she would make this high pitch whine noise just once if she was feeling lonely or if she wanted to go out*.   I know I am not nuts....I heard it.   But, could it just be my mind playing tricks on me??    Could she be comforting me from beyond?    
Who knew I could get so attached to a dog.   As I type this, just thinking about her makes me teary eyed.  Maybe someday I will be able to have that connection with another dog.   Not to replace Sweet Sairy, but to have the wonderful connection I had with Sairy.    She was MY dog, I was chosen by her that rainy night.
I miss you Sairy, I loved you so much.   Go chase bunnies and run in the green grass in heaven.   :)

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7

I'm baaaaaack!! (did anyone miss me?? )

I know that many of you who follow my blog are probably saying to yourself..."Oh here we go again!!, Melissa is on yet another diet".    You would be right, but I am not signing up for a program or restricting my life, well I guess I will be restricting, no maybe I will just call it "limiting".   ;)  

Anyway, let me back up some and catch everyone up since I have been terrible at posting my life's happenings on my blog at least.   Those of you who follow me on Facebook know what my day to day stuff has been like.   Last time I posted was 2 months ago.   Since then day to day has been pretty routine, kids are out of school now and they are not bored with summer yet....which in my mind is a great thing.   We have had some nasty weather days and the kids have really rallied and been quite pleasant for the most part considering they are stuck inside.   Ryan attended a basketball camp for 4 days just a week or so ago and he loved it.   :)   This makes me happy that he got moving and found out he really likes basketball.  He wants to sign up to play when that comes around during the school year.  
Elizabeth went to a "safety day" camp and learned about several kinds of safety, farm, home, personal, etc...She enjoyed it a lot.
Shelby is working almost everyday at Pizza Ranch.   As some of you know we have gone through some tough times with her this past year or so.  She is working hard and has her ups and downs but we are hopeful that we are instilling good values and teaching her to become a responsible adult.   I can't believe she will be 18 this December!!   Boy do I ever feel old!!!  

J.R. and I got engaged in April as well....We have even started making some plans for the wedding of our dreams.  One that honors our love but isn't all stuffy and rigid.   For those who are wondering, we haven't set a date yet.   But I will keep you posted on that as soon as we set one.  :)

Did I mention that I am working part time in a great shop in my town?   It is real fun and even though it is only a few hours 3 days a week, it gets me out of the house and a few extra dollars can't hurt right?  LOL

Now going back to that nasty four letter word I hate so much......DIET!!    As I said in the beginning of this post I am not going to diet anymore.   But...I do want to lose some weight.   Right now I feel tired and have pain almost all the time.   I am not sleeping well due to pain and I know that isn't helping my moods and my health.    So my goal over the summer is to get into a new routine of eating and making better choices.   I have to move more even though it hurts.   Every little bit has to help.   So I will try each day to do something.   My goal right now is to lose 50 lbs by my birthday in December!!   I think that is realistic don't you?    Getting down to the weight I was before I had Shelby is where I want to be for now, if I lose more then that is a BONUS!!    I have to do this for ME.....not for my kids, not for J.R.   He loves my curves and honestly so do I.   I have had curves my whole life.  I think I was born with them...LOL     But, my health and risks of serious disease is what keeps pushing me back into the dieting arena.  

So there is my life as of late in a nutshell so to speak.    I don't even know if anyone reads this but I hope someone does.    (kinda creepy just blogging to myself...LOL)

Working it

Day 2 of eating Low Carb and I am feeling good so far.   Thank God for Sugar Free Jello!!  Really helped my sweet craving after supper last night.   I am not really sitting down to a "meal" per say, but I am snacking on meat that I have precooked in the fridge.   Being prepared is a big part of success.    I never thought I would come back to LC.   But it worked before.   As I tried to explain to J.R. yesterday, I need to see results faster in order to stay committed to eating that way for an extended period of time.   It's just how I am wired I guess.  

I peed alot yesterday and last night, I think I was up like 4 or 5 times.   Didn't really sleep much at all, but felt okay when I got up this morning, not quite so much dreading getting out of bed.   I go to work tomorrow and I am prepared!!   I will pack a few things I can snack on while I am there for the 4.5 hours.  

Big news, I finally took the leap and I am doing an online class to become a Pharmacy Tech!!   Hopefully by mid summer I will be confident enough to take and pass the certification test.   I hope to be able to have a job as a tech by the time the kids go back to school late August!!  

Hopefully I will have lost a bunch of weight and my back will be much better and stronger by that time so I can work full time or as close to it as possible, and J.R. can cut back on some of his hours.   I know I won't make as much as he does, but he deserves to not have to work so much.   :)

What's new??

I don't know if anyone even reads my blog or not....but I must write in it occasionally as things come up.   If you have read any of my blog, it is plain to see that I struggle often with my weight.   I struggle with sticking to a plan, I get defeated and quit quite often.    But then I try again, and again.   I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore.   I wish I had a magic answer.  I wish the claims of wonderfully simple, fast, effective weight loss were true.    I know I am not alone in my fight, my struggle, my anxieties.....but sometimes I feel soooo alone.   I feel defeated and broken.   Why can't I just stick to something, why can't I give up the things I know will put weight on me?    Why does my body fight me every step of the way?    Who knows really.    I have often said I don't want to be skinny, I really honestly can say I do not want to be super thin.   I would like to definitely be A LOT thinner than I am now.    I feel sluggish, cranky, and my body hurts all over.  I know it is from the weight.   I have dodged alot of the health issues associated with weight....so far!!    I no longer wish to rely on pure luck to keep me away from those anymore.   

Yes....you guessed it....new plan, new road, new journey.   I guess it isn't a new journey, and I have been down this road before.    The way I see it, is.....if I give up completely I am as good as dead !   But, if I keep on trying I have to hit on something one of these times right?    

I need to lose 100 lbs.  There is no question about that.   

I have to get in the habit of blogging daily about how I am feeling, what I am doing, what is working, and what isn't.    

I bought a journal to write in as well, that I can jot down feelings thoughts etc, as I get them.  I will be putting it in my purse and no matter where I am, I can jot down things I think of.    I can always transpose them here in my online blog as well.  

So once again......off to the races.   I want to be healthy, I want to be pain free, I want to move more freely and have more energy and life in me for my kids and J.R.!!     I want to be happy in ALL aspects of my life.   

I want to LOVE myself again!! 

So the plan is to get rid of carbs and sugars as much as possible.  Lean meats, veggies, water, tea, coffee and the occasional Vodka tonic w/ lime will be what I ingest.    KISS  (Keep It Simple Stupid) will be my motto.   I may not cook extravagant meals anymore, it might be sandwiches or salads for dinner...but really I have to do this.   I can't go crazy like I always do, trying so hard to change things up and make them more than just easy meals.   Stress reduction in that arena will go a long way I just know it.   

Elizabeth

On Sunday afternoon, approximately 5pm.  Elizabeth (my youngest child) dove for a frisbee thrown by her older brother Ryan.   That dive will go down in the memory album because she fractured her elbow doing that dive.  OUCH!!!

I took her to the ER here in town and after examining 5 different x-rays.  The conclusion was made that she broke her elbow and that we had to transport her to the University of Iowa hospital ER to have the Orthopedic docs fix it.  No food or drink in case they have to operate.   YIKES!!  I was thinking to myself, "there are no bones protruding anywhere...what has happened to my poor little girl"!!    We had no idea what to expect or what they would do when we got there.   We were informed that elbow fractures often have to be surgically set.  but after looking at her x-rays, hers was fractured in what they said was, "the good way".  LOL
So no surgery to set it, but she was in so much pain, they gave her some morphine which took the edge off a bit. The anxiety of it all I think excaserbated her pain levels.   After attempting to start casting her arm, she was so upset that they just decided to go ahead and put her under light sedation just to cast it.   She did awesome!!  She woke up and it was done.   She was pleasantly surprised!!  
It was a long night but she has a cast and is doing pretty good in my estimation.  Considering she has never broken anything before, she is a tough cookie!!   So proud of her.

We go back again on Monday, which will make it 1 week after the break.  Not sure what they will do, but hopefully it won't be too traumatic for her.  

I will post pics as soon as I get them uploaded from my phone.  :)

DISLIKES!!

I hope the title didn't scare anyone away.   I guess you could be led to believe that this is a negative post.  Well...I guess it kind of is in a way, but with a twist.  I am considering it a learning experience.
So far I have lost 9 lbs....so I am feeling better internally, but am still working on my outward comfort zone.  Like how I dress and what I wear.
Tonight we have tickets to a wonderful dinner/ show near and dear to our hearts.  Just Us Girls, is a group of local women who sing and put on shows.  They are all the most wonderful people and one of them is very special to us.  She is Elizabeth's teachers helper, and she is friends and former neighbor of JR's and I just lover her.  She is so kind and friendly and just the sweetest woman ever.   So you must be asking yourself, where does the way you dress come into play Mel?    Thanks for asking.   Over the past year JR has bought me some beautiful outfits.  Some still have the tags on them because we don't get dressed up too often and I don't get that dressed up for church on Sunday.   Anyway....The past several months we have just been doing casual things, jeans a nice top...etc.....but JR is wearing a suit and tie tonight.   So there is no way I am showing up on his arm with jeans a nice top.   So I tried on everything I have in the closet, Thank God it all fits okay.   I had Shelby take pictures of each outfit and I posted them on Facebook for my friends to critique.  LOL    I know crazy right?    But, I value the opinions of my true friends and I don't think they would steer me wrong.  

So, you are probably wondering why I titled it, Dislikes...well because I dislike how my body looks, I dislike trying on clothes, I dislike that I don't feel as confident as I want to.   But, like I said I am learning to love myself again, I am learning to figure out what looks good on my particular body, and I am learning to realize that I am special, in the eyes of my friends, family, kids and JR loves me just the way I am.   That is the biggest LIKE I have.   :)

9 lbs total so far!!

Felt pretty good to get on the scale this morning and see a loss.   Especially after going up 2 lbs.
So Start weight was 285,   my weight this morning was 276!!!   YAY  :)    only 36 more lbs to go till I reach my first goal of 240 lbs, which is the weight I was for most of my adult life.    I still need to measure and take some pictures, I do have measurements from when I was doing Weight Watchers, but I want to get fresh results since I had gained on WW.  :(  

So proud of my son!!!

My son is such a good kid.  He brought home awards today for superior achievement in ITBS testing and scoring in the 80%th percentile in the country!!    I just felt I had to brag on him a bit...I know I just don't brag enough on my kids and their achievements, I am always just complaining about their faults and shortcomings.

So here is a link to see my son's pictures in the classroom blog !!http://ebert5thgradeblog.blogspot.com/

I love you Ryan...Way to go buddy!!  Keep up the good work son!!

2 full weeks of Clean Eating...

Since I posted last it has been 2 full weeks of clean eating....and I have to say, WE love it!   Even the kids are liking what I am making, well for the most part anyway.  Shelby still doesn't understand why she can't eat twinkies and cheetos.   She has said that losing weight is all in her mind, and if she thinks before she goes to bed that she will lose weight, then she will get up in the morning and be lighter.   I am not sure it works like that...LOL    I will stick with putting healthy foods in my body for fuel to keep going all day long.  I am going to really start tracking my journey here so that I can have a record and have it all down in one place, not several different ones.   (which I tend to do quite often) LOL

Tonight I am going to measure and take before pics.   It has been kind of busy around here and when I think of it either JR isn't home to help me or we are just so wiped out that I don't feel like doing it.  
Tomorrow I meet with Amy (my physical therapist) at the YMCA to figure out some sort of workout program I can do and possibly tweak it a bit so I can do it at home instead of the gym.   I am hoping that maybe tomorrow or the next day we can get the treadmill and eliptical moved over to the other side of the basement so we can actually use them on a regular basis.   My plan is to get up and get it done each day before breakfast then I know it is done.   I know it will help with building muscle and losing the inches and pounds faster as well.  

So that is my plan.  I am going to post some menus also so I can track that part as well.
So far I have lost 7 lbs and I feel better, definitely have more energy, just gotta get the food a bit tighter and portions are probably bigger than I should be having.  But I think if I were to give my CLEAN eating a percentage, I honestly think we are about 95% clean.   Which is pretty good compared to where we were, and I think about the only not so clean items are salad dressings, miracle whip (but we don't overuse either items so not too bad in my honest opinion).

Spring is here and it is nice to not have to contend with snow and slush anymore, let's hope we don't have any more of it.  
I have to start planning and shopping for EASTER too....going to try to make it a CLEAN Easter!!!   Let's hope anyway!!  

Hopeful for answers!!

Spring can't get here fast enough in my opinion.   Today the temps are warmer but it is now raining and snow mixed with rain is in the forecast over the next week.   I am anxious for warmer, sunnier days.   But before those days get here I have been doing some research on "Eating Clean".   Yes I know what you are saying, "didn't you sign up for Weight Watchers online not too long ago?"    The answer is Yes I did....I was doing okay on it, and who knows what happened, stress hit, got tired and bored with always tracking every single bite of food, not finding what I have here and having to customize everything on the site, feeling like I just didn't fit in, feelings, feelings, feelings!!    I am my own worst enemy, I do well for a bit, then I think I can slack off and eat this or that, which I know.....will send me into a binge of craptastic food!!   Or, the dreaded, "it's just easier to hit the drive thru window then to figure out what everyone will and won't eat for supper so why bother cooking it", or there is always the, "just one burger, french fry, (insert bad food of the day here)....it won't hurt my diet, I'll be right back at it after this".   Yeah...right!!!   Fat chance and me getting fatter and fatter.  I officially have ZERO energy, no jeans that fit me, I am stuck wearing sweatpants/ yoga pants because they are the only thing I can find in my size right now.    I am frustrated, miserably uncomfortable, not sleeping well, and not making good choices, because frankly I have gotten to the point where I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore....it has grown so small that it is barely a speck in the distance.    

I know only I can pull myself out of this giant ditch I am in.....(no sense in calling it a rut it is much bigger)!! LOL

Trying to find the right fit, the right combinations of foods to help me get some results fairly quickly, without starving, something that gives me energy, makes me look forward to the next day, is easy to prepare for each upcoming week, and is easy to follow on a daily basis.   yep..I am looking for a miracle here folks.    Do I think I have found it in the Clean Eating Diet?   Who knows, I bought a couple of  Tosca Reno's books for my Kindle which I intend to sit down and read this weekend.  I am hopeful that desperately looking for inspiration, something that speaks to me from within the pages, that says, "hey Melissa, you can do this for life, you can extend your life, make it better, get more of the things you desire, like, more energy, less fat and less stress on joints, back , knees, feet everything.    Something that speaks to me and shows me that I can help mold and change my children's way of eating for the rest of their lives.    

So I am forever hopeful that I will find these keys, tools and answers.   I want to have a Happy body, not a miserably sore, tired, fat, flabby, older than it's years body.   

I will update as soon as I can.   :)   Thanks for reading~!!!

Stress sucks!!

I haven't been here in a couple of weeks.  I haven't lost anymore weight, and I have been under some crazy stress at home lately.  (Teenager induced)!!  
Not going to go into the long drawn out story, but suffice it to say....she lied, she got caught, the Borderline personality disorder is annoying me to say the very least, and I am so tired of winter!!  

How is that for summing it up huh?

J.R. starts his new job on Monday.   He was supposed to have 3 days off, and instead he has to be at his old job today after he takes his dad to the doctor, to finish up work.   So basically he is working and not getting paid for his time.   Which sucks because this is why he left the job in the first place.  They didn't want to pay him for all his hard work and hours put in.   I will be so glad when he starts the new place.   He deserves less stress especially at work.

We are going out tonight for dinner, can't wait.   Off to Dodici's with Janet and Jim, and going to try Cuban food tonight.   I don't care if it's McDonalds as long as we get to go out together and just relax a bit.   We both need it and deserve it.

Shelby got her wisdom teeth out yesterday.  So she is still sore and swollen.  But none the worse for wear as they say.   We decided to keep Ryan and Elizabeth home today from school, Ryan was coughing alot last night and sounds just terrible.  He is all congested and snotty.   Elizabeth has said her throat was scratchy the past couple of days and she has some congestion as well.  So, we figured if they had the weekend to rest up and feel better....by Monday hopefully it will have run it's course.

Not much else going on around here.....just trying to get by everyday and get Shelby to do what she needs to do in order to be considered a responsible person.

1st week weigh in!!!

4.2 lbs down in 1 week!!  Not too shabby!!   I feel really good, I have been quite diligent with tracking my foods.   I know I could be better with exercising, but if my back is hurting I don't push it.   Hopefully by the time Spring is sprung I will be down more weight and will be more comfortable and moving more freely and more often!!    My meals I have been creating or getting recipes for on the WW site have been awesome!!    Even the kids like some of them.   The ones I know they won't like I just make for J.R. and I.   We have both enjoyed them greatly.

J.R. is doing great too, not snacking on junk at work and I think he has lost some weight too.   Men just lose so much easier than women....Damn Estrogen!!!  

I've been really trying to get more of the recipes I make up on the "Healthy Habits" page on Facebook.  There is a link to the left if you want to check it out.  

I've also been tossing around the idea of taking some online courses at home.....I would like to take the Pharmacy Tech class so I can have some direction in my studying.  I have a couple of study books, but it is hard to digest without some instruction on how to do it.   For fun I would love to take a Creative Writing course or even some Nutrition and Fitness classes.  

Kids are back to school and getting back in the swing of things.   Will post more later about our Family meeting and the rules we all re-made and re-committed to for our house.  
It's laundry day so I better get to washing, drying, folding and putting away!!!   :)

Photo montage...

 Elizabeth in her PARTY Dress!!

Shelby and her friends on her birthday!!  17 WOW

Elizabeths funky socks!!

Ryan doing his "Dr. Evil" impression..LOL

It's Karaoke time!!

JR...the love of my life!!

Opening her gifts!!

Wes He is a very cool cat!!

Elizabeth pretending she has a talk show!!

Me looking like a big pumpkin!!!

It's the Ryan and Lizzy show..:)

Shelby!!  

Patiently waiting....well kind of :)

I ordered some of my new favorite foods from the internet.   VITATOPS!!  www.vitalicious.com   I first found these wonderfully yummy, low calorie, high fiber treats in my Hungry Girl cookbook.  Hungrygirl.com  They were mentioned all over the book.  Not just muffin tops and muffins, but people use them for desserts w/ a little whipped cream on top.  WOW!!  They are so good.   So, JR and I went to one of our local grocery stores and asked if they could get them, since they have the biggest "vegitarian, health food" sections in our small town.   After many weeks of us checking to see if they were there, finally....there they were.  They only stock two flavors, which I love both of them.  I want to try other flavors too, is that so wrong???   :)     So I ordered some more online since I got an e-coupon from their site for free shipping!!!   BONUS!!   Today is the day they are supposed to arrive, ready to put in the freezer.  That is yet another one of the bonuses to buying these wonderful little items in bulk, you freeze them until you eat them.  Just pop one in the microwave for about 25 seconds and you can have a warm double chocolate muffin.   (C'mon, you know you are drooling now huh?)  
When they arrive I will freeze all of them, but I have already factored one in to my points plan for the day!!  :)  They are Weight Watchers points friendly.   Just another reason to fall madly in love with them.  

Here is a pic of a box I have in the freezer already.  

I mean really???   How can you turn that down?   Good for you in so many ways, and they taste good too!!
SO I will sit and wait.....till the UPS man comes a knockin!!

Day 3 has been great, got lots of stuff done that I have been working on.  Feel good, no acid reflux last night YAY!!   And I even got up at 6:15am this morning !!!  Also, I don't feel like I need a nap !!  
I will check back in later....uploading some pics from Shelby's birthday,  Really want to put up some Christmas photos as well.   (I know I am a bit late...oh well) LOL

Have a blessed day everyone!!   No matter what your goals are, every tiny step towards those goals counts!!