What's new??

I don't know if anyone even reads my blog or not....but I must write in it occasionally as things come up.   If you have read any of my blog, it is plain to see that I struggle often with my weight.   I struggle with sticking to a plan, I get defeated and quit quite often.    But then I try again, and again.   I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore.   I wish I had a magic answer.  I wish the claims of wonderfully simple, fast, effective weight loss were true.    I know I am not alone in my fight, my struggle, my anxieties.....but sometimes I feel soooo alone.   I feel defeated and broken.   Why can't I just stick to something, why can't I give up the things I know will put weight on me?    Why does my body fight me every step of the way?    Who knows really.    I have often said I don't want to be skinny, I really honestly can say I do not want to be super thin.   I would like to definitely be A LOT thinner than I am now.    I feel sluggish, cranky, and my body hurts all over.  I know it is from the weight.   I have dodged alot of the health issues associated with weight....so far!!    I no longer wish to rely on pure luck to keep me away from those anymore.   

Yes....you guessed it....new plan, new road, new journey.   I guess it isn't a new journey, and I have been down this road before.    The way I see it, is.....if I give up completely I am as good as dead !   But, if I keep on trying I have to hit on something one of these times right?    

I need to lose 100 lbs.  There is no question about that.   

I have to get in the habit of blogging daily about how I am feeling, what I am doing, what is working, and what isn't.    

I bought a journal to write in as well, that I can jot down feelings thoughts etc, as I get them.  I will be putting it in my purse and no matter where I am, I can jot down things I think of.    I can always transpose them here in my online blog as well.  

So once again......off to the races.   I want to be healthy, I want to be pain free, I want to move more freely and have more energy and life in me for my kids and J.R.!!     I want to be happy in ALL aspects of my life.   

I want to LOVE myself again!! 

So the plan is to get rid of carbs and sugars as much as possible.  Lean meats, veggies, water, tea, coffee and the occasional Vodka tonic w/ lime will be what I ingest.    KISS  (Keep It Simple Stupid) will be my motto.   I may not cook extravagant meals anymore, it might be sandwiches or salads for dinner...but really I have to do this.   I can't go crazy like I always do, trying so hard to change things up and make them more than just easy meals.   Stress reduction in that arena will go a long way I just know it.